First Post

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the first of many, the premier of an epoch, the inception of a philosophical, sociological, psychological, and every other logical that could epitomize the civilizations destined to discover that which is called... "Knowledge."

9 out of 10 Southernists agree that the Civil War never reached its historical climax. Most "civilized" Americans are taught in our nation's public institutions, and nourished with public food by our public government for the public's public children, that the Civil War ended in 1830 by the signing of the "Declaration of Civil War is Over Clause Act." What is shockingly appalling is that the Civil War never indeed reached its famed conclusion.

After a short, but brief "research visit" to the south, it has become clear to me that the civil war has not ended. One but has to lift one's gaze to the hills of rural Tennessee to see southern pride flying high on the flagpoles of steel and hope, the Confederate flag. Yes, THE Confederate flag, also known as, "Old red crossed victory stitched with tender affection and slave labor."

On another note, I am getting a bit concerned about all this hubbub about martian activity surrounding the planet of mars. Who do they think they are?! Just yesterday on the news I saw a martian burning an "Earth-ling" flag in an "Anti-Earth-ling" protest. I think it's high time that we as a planet stand tall and shout with a loud voice that we will not go quietly into the night! We're going to live on! Today, we should declare a sort of Earth-ling Independence Day! I am sick of their empty threats of total annihilation by way of death-ray lasers. I am sick of hearing about their plans to land flying saucers on our nation's capitol only to zap everyone within spitting distance with their death-ray lasers. Most of all, I am sick of death-ray lasers! Why can't we have something like explosion-ray lasers?! This is the 21st century and we don't even have flying cars yet! Someone needs to do something to address this problem quickly, and that's why I am endorsing Barack Obama for President in this year's upcoming election.

Barack Obama has a very clear record on Earth-Martian relations...and that record is "let's just nuke them all." Barack Obama has proposed new legislation that will tax the ridiculously rich, and select qualifying low to middle income brackets in order that new emergency technology research can be conducted to find a solution to the building martian problem. That is change we can believe in. I believe that Barack Obama will not only lead our nation, no, our planet into revolutionary change-like martian independence, but he will also personally lead the first invasion of martian soil with the soon to be created Planetary Earth Marines, or PEMs. He will single-handedly defeat their leader, Muiak groobols Penzeiaktoray, and establish the first Intergalactic Empire featuring Earth and Mars. That is change you can believe in.

In conclusion, the rate at which soy beans germinate is a direct indicator that global warming is a result of centuries of poetic ramblings that simply have not been appreciated enough. I believe that the Earth is crying...and getting warm from it.

-Chad